December 21, 2009

Still more things I’d be happier without…

• Novelty Christmas Songs.  Cheech & Chong’s Santa and His Old Lady or 12 Days of Christmas by the McKenzie Brothers, for example, used to be funny.  But after hearing them again and again, year after year, they lose their charm and become downright irritating.

• Men who don’t take off their hats in restaurants. 

• Hearing Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Pt II (Do doooo do Hey! Do do do do) at sporting events.  Once I heard about his proclivities, I rejected anything that would earn him royalties.  If I ever have to do a sportscast anywhere, I guarantee you I won’t be using that song as a music bed.

• Birthers.

• People so large that they can’t get around without the aid of a motorized scooter rolling up to an all-you-can-eat buffet.  Or clogging the cookie and candy isle at the grocery store.

• Anyone who mistakes a person’s wealth for a person’s worth.

• Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, and Transformer movies.  Really, any time people stand in line for days for a movie, or worse yet go in costume, you can much count me out.

• Major League Baseball.  They went on strike back in 1994, and when they returned, I didn’t. 

• Televised poker.

• Speakers who mistake the word “literally” for “figuratively.”  If you were laughing so hard you literally peed your pants, shouldn’t you go change instead of telling me about it?

• People who purchase a pet from a store instead of rescuing one from a shelter.

• When the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts pop acts.  I’m looking in your direction Madonna and ABBA.  While they may be hugely influential, and have sold many, many records, they do not rock, and their inclusion tarnishes the honor previously bestowed on other, more deserving ROCK artists.  If they were to ask me, and I think they should, I would tell them their next class should attempt to make up for past oversights.  Kiss, Rush, Nugent, Cooper, and Maiden should be the next five inductees.  I have spoken!

December 14, 2009

• Here are some more things I’d be happier without.

• Fantasy Football.  Keep the goings-on of you imaginary world to yourself, and please respect the fact that my fantasies never involve the actions of sweaty men.

• People who chose to get upset when someone wishes them “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” (or vice versa).  Lighten up!  Someone wished you well, not punched you in the face.  Get over it.

• Anyone who prefaces an insult with phrases like “With all due respect” or “I’m just saying.”  With all due respect, you’re an a-hole.  I’m just saying.

• Tiger Woods and the “ladies” who bang him.

• People who take a dump at work.

• Viewers of shows that reward bad behavior with fame.  At first, I thought I just wanted to get rid of programs like “Tool Academy” and “Bad Girls Club.”  But then I realized that if an audience for such nonsense still exists, they’ll just come up with more shows that are even worse.  So it’s the people watching that needs to go away.  While we’re on the subject, the other thing that needs to go away is people with a desire to be on such shows.  If you end up on a show like that, you should be as embarrassed as if you were handcuffed, face down in the gutter on COPS.  Or Jerry Springer.

• People who mispronounce “et cetera” as “ek cetera”.

• When a woman asks me which shoes I like better, so I tell her to hold them behind her ears so I can decide, and she gets upset with me.

• Mac users who are smug about their choice of computers.  Which is to say, Mac users.  Let’s make a deal, OK?  You don’t tell me about the superiority of your computer, and I won’t tell you about my last bowel movement.

• Nancy Grace.

• Midget porn.  And come to think of it, why don’t pornographers refer to it as “Little People Porn?”  Is it because midget porn sounds dirtier and more exploitive? 

• Hardrock, Coco, and especially Joe, that bastard. 

And I’m just warming up

December 7, 2009

Here are some things I’d be happier without.

•  People on social networking sights who list their relationship status as “It’s Complicated.”  Look, either you’re doing somebody on a regular basis, or you are not.  It’s not complicated, you just not being completely truthful.

•  Anyone who wants to tell me about a dream.  The only thing more boring that listening to you tell me about a dream you had last night is listening to you tell me about your golf game.

• Sharon Osbourne.

• Magazines that send me a letter telling me I need to renew even though there’s at least 6 months left on my subscription.

• Alice’s Restaurant.  Yes, I’m still on that kick.

• Politicians and pundits to fly in a private jet, stay at a luxury hotel, then roll up to their event in a tour bus and give the impression that they made the entire journey by bus to maintain their “just plain folks” image.

• People who regard Paris Hilton as a role model.

• Anyone who sees religious icons in food.

• Ira the telemarketer, who wanted to sell me an extended warranty on my car.  When I said “No Thanks,” he got belligerent.  Had he been selling door-to-door rather than over the phone and talked to me like that, there would have been a brawl in front of my house.

• Vampires that sparkle.

• TV Shows featuring dancing competitions.  Or weight loss competitions.  Or, worst of all, where people try to lose weight by dancing.

• Protesters who lack a firm grasp of the language.

December 1, 2009

            I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed.

            It’s already December, and I’m just getting started on Christmas Stuff.  There are no decorations up at the house, and I’ve done maybe half of my shopping.  I haven’t wrapped anything, either.  In fact, I don’t think I have any wrapping paper.  Guess I better check on that.  Wrapping presents is probably my least favorite holiday chore because one, I suck at it, and two, I have “helpful” cats, always ready to turn an hour-long project into an all day affair.

            At least I don’t have to worry about doing any holiday cooking or baking.  My only culinary responsibility for the holidays was to make a few batches of Boilo, and I took care of that weeks ago.  So there was at least one thing I was able to cross off my list.

            Probably the main reason I feel like I’m behind the 8-ball is because I haven’t yet sent (or even bought) my Christmas cards.  Usually, I mail them right after Thanksgiving so they arrive in plenty of time, but this year, I just haven’t been able to get to it. 

            Heck with it.  Everybody’s getting a donation made in their name to “The Human Fund.”

            Maybe I’d have gotten more done if I hadn’t been watching to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary show that HBO aired over the weekend.  Some of the jams were a little spotty, and some of the singers weren't in great voice, but there were a few standout moments.  Paul Simon, Graham Nash and David Crosby did a nice job on Here Comes the Sun.  I also enjoyed Lou Reed and Metallica playing Sweet Jane.  And the U2 set was first rate.  Bruce Springsteen and Patty Smith joined them on Because the Night, and they backed Mick Jagger and Fergie for Gimmie Shelter.

Another strong set came from Jeff Beck.   I especially enjoyed watching him trade licks with Buddy Guy, and he and Billy Gibbons did justice to Foxy Lady.   I’m sure HBO will rerun the show many, many times this month, but if you can’t catch it there, it should be out on DVD in January.

Oh, one other music tidbit—it’s official!  Both the band and the NFL confirm that The Who will provide the halftime entertainment at this year’s Superbowl.  If Keith Moon were still alive, I bet he would have provided a wardrobe malfunction that would have made us forget all about Janet Jackson. 

November 24, 2009

            I won’t be working Thursday.  The siren song of holiday overtime pay, and the lure of having the run of the place with no management types around was strong, but it cannot overcome my distaste for Alice’s Restaurant.  I just won’t have it in me to push the button to play that song again this Thanksgiving. 

            So I’ll enjoy a day off, while the “tradition” lives on for another year.  I’ll be back Friday to enjoy the greatest day of the year—the longest amount of time between airings of Alice’s Restaurant Massacree.  Then on Monday, I’ll begin crafting my arguments to the powers that be as to why we shouldn’t play that “song” this time next year. 

            Have a great holiday.

November 13, 2009

            Tony sent a tweet with a link to an article  saying that the Who will perform at this year’s Superbowl Halftime Show, and wondered what I thought.

My Reply on Twitter:

20 minutes is not NEARLY enough time to appreciate the magic of The Who live, but if it drives people to hear the non CSI themes, great!-pat

            Nothing against the CSI themes, they're all great songs.  But I couldn’t convey all my feelings with a mere 140 characters.  Fortunately, this blog has no such limit.

            If this story is true, they’d join some stellar company.  Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, U2, Sting, and Carol Channing have all performed at the halftime show.  The Who certainly belong in that pantheon of great performers.

            But then there’s the problem of what to play.  Their best know songs are probably the 3 CSI themes, Who are You, Won’t Get Fooled Again, and Baba O’Riley, along with My Generation. 

           If they do Who Are You, the network will censor it.  If the whole world wigs out over a brief glimpse of mostly obscured middle-aged nipple, I’m guessing the lyrics “Who the F*&k are you” won’t fly.  They probably wouldn’t like the bit about "open arms…and open legs" in You Better You Bet, so that’s probably out, too. 

            Won’t Get Fooled Again is an obvious choice.  It is, after all, the Greatest Song Ever.  But it’s also 8 and ½ minutes.  That’s a big chunk of the available time.  And yet, if they shorten or excerpt the song, they’ll weaken it.  Tough decision.

            My Generation is blatantly ageist.  Old people watch the Big Game too, and in this day and age, somebody’s bound to get offended, even though the performers themselves are pretty old now.  Plus, they tend to stretch this one out when they play it live.  Both times I’ve seen them, My Generation clocked in at around 7 or 8 minutes as I recall.  On Live at Leeds, they dropped in movements from Tommy, so that version ran nearly 15 minutes.  That alone would take up most of the available time.

            See, this is the problem with being a super-fan.  There are so many great songs, and so little time.  But if it were up to me to create a 20 minute Superbowl Halftime Show set list for the Who…let's see:

·        I Can’t Explain—a traditional opener for them

·        Baba O’Riley—well known, signature song

·        Pinball Wizard—love Pete’s guitar intro

·        Won’t Get Fooled Again—like I said, Greatest Song Ever

Still, I look at this list and go, “What, nothing from Quadrophenia, no Eminence Front, or Substitute or Behind Blues Eyes.”  How about Join Together or 5:15 or Long Live Rock?  And the list goes on. 

            Then there’s the size of the audience.  With maybe a billion people watching, you just know there will be many that will be discovering that music, and their tremendous live prowess, for the first time.  We could be looking at a whole new crop of Who-ligans.  Maybe they’ll go back and discover the rock opera masterpieces Tommy and Quadrophenia.  Perhaps they’ll check out the rest of the spectacular Who’s Next.  They might gravitate towards their early British singles compiled on Meaty Beady Big and Bouncy.  Or maybe they’ll find the amazing live performances captured on Live at Leeds or see the footage of the band at the Isle of Wright Festival.  If they do, and it brings them half as much joy as it’s brought me over the years, then I will have enjoyed it twice as much as them.

            Of course, the down side of having such a big audience is the fact that you can fail on a truly spectacular level.  Roger Daltrey, currently out on his “Use it or Lose It” tour had a sore throat which caused a rough night in Cleveland just recently, and had to cancel a show in Baltimore earlier this week.  Hopefully, he’s had a chance to rest his pipes and his throat is in better shape for his shows this weekend in Atlantic City.   God forbid something like that happens on February 7th, at the height of the cold and flu season.

            It would be my hope that playing the biggest gig on the planet re-energizes the band, and pushes them to continue to write, record, and play music. But if it goes badly, it could be a career killer, and bring to an end what has otherwise been (if you’ll permit me) an Amazing Journey.    Whatever happens though, it couldn’t be worse than watching Aerosmith share the stage with Brittany Spears.  People seem to have forgotten that because Ms Jackson’s boob made an appearance at that same show.  But I haven’t forgotten, and what I have seen cannot be unseen.    

            BTW, I went to the Who’s website, to check on the story. There was no official confirmation from the band, but I did find this little gem.

November 9, 2009

            I’m fining it little hard to believe that we’ll soon be into the holiday season, but the proof is everywhere.  Look at a calendar—Thanksgiving is a just over two weeks away.  The leaves are just about off the trees, and the stores have had their holiday displays up for what, four months now.  It won’t be too much longer and I’ll have to hear that POS Alice’s Restaurant song.  .

            It will soon be time to start working on the Christmas cards, and I’ll need to pull the decorations out of the storage shed.  We’ll probably need a few new ones this year, and we’ll probably have to get a new tree as well.  This will be our first holiday season with Oliver and Gilbert in the house.  I wonder how they’ll react to a Christmas tree, or how many mornings I’ll have to put it upright again.

            We also need to work out all the holiday logistics.  Who’s working what days, when can we visit with family and friends, and are we going to see them, or are they coming to us?  We’re not forgetting or slighting anyone, are we?  And once we finalize whatever travel plans we need to make this year, the weather has to cooperate.  Usually that’s not too much of a factor, but don’t forget that we’ve already had a snowstorm this year. 

I had hoped to have at least a few gift ideas by now, but no such luck.  See, I don’t mind holiday purchasing, but I hate holiday shopping.  I like it when I know what I want to get for someone, and know just where to go to get it. 

 Plus, I can make my purchase in off-peak hours and avoid the holiday crowds.  Zip in, exchange cash for the thing, whatever it happens to be, and cross someone else off my list.  That’s the way to do it.

Shopping, on the other hand, requires hours of aimless wandering, hoping something just jumps off the shelves.  Sometimes it does, but a lot of times out of desperation, I end up buying something, anything, just so I can say, “Here, I got you a present.”  “There’s three kinds of popcorn in that can!”  That’s also how I end up buying crap for myself that I neither need nor really want.

But at least I got this year’s batch of Boilo made over the weekend.  That always makes holiday hassles bearable.

November 2, 2009

            It seems like we had far fewer trick-or-treaters come to the house this year.  Too bad, because I had really good candy—Snickers, Twix, Milk Duds, Peanut Butter Cups, Heath Bars and Nestle Crunch.  Lots of leftovers, but I was under strict instructions to get the remaining candy out of the house.  So now they’re in the jock-a-teria here at the station for anyone who wants.

            While there were fewer kids knocking on the door this year, at least more of out visitors said “thank you”.  Last year, it seemed like about half neglected to express any gratitude what so ever.  I realize they’re just “fun-size” candy bars, and that giving them away doesn’t mean they should erect a statue of me in the town square, but how hard is it to utter a simple “Thanks?” 

            I haven’t done it in a few years, but I used to like to spook the little Halloweeners.  This one year, I put my fog machine on my porch. (Of course I have a fog machine!).  Then, I put on this hooded cloak that was part of a ghoul costume I used to wear.  Then I simply sat perfectly still and waited.  With the hood pulled up and my face obscured, I looked like just another decoration.  But when they’d pass me to knock on the door, I’d hit the foot switch on the fog machine and give them a little scare before handing out the candy.

            That worked really well until one woman came to the door with a baby in her arms.  When I set off the fog, she jumped, screamed, and nearly dropped the kid.  So, that was the end of that little game.

            Now that I think of it though, that kid was probably about 6 months old—too young for candy and trick-or-treating.  I’ll be that woman was just using her little sex trophy to get free candy.  Therefore, it was a justifiable fogging, right?

            Anyway, hope you had a happy Halloween.

October 26, 2009

            Well, I’m back from my vacation.  Thanks to Tony for filling in for me, and Jason for filling in for him.  I wish I had some grand adventure to tell you about, but I had a pretty low-key week off.  I visited some with some family and friends watched a few movies, and took care of some stuff around the house.  It may not sound like much, but my car is clean, I shampooed my carpets, and my yard is raked.  At least for now.

            Halloween is coming up, and I’m still trying to decide on a costume.  My first thought was to break out my Clockwork Orange costume.  I haven’t worn it for a few years, but now I’m afraid that if I do, people will think I’m dressed as Gnarls Barkley.  Unacceptable.

            Being that Halloween is on the way, I’ll have a couple of spooky Mystery Tracks for you later on in the week.  Listener Scott suggested one of them, and I thank him for his input.

            Not only is Halloween on the way, but we also return to Eastern Standard Time this weekend.  Saturday, before you go to bed, set your clocks back one hour.  Also, when you do that, be sure to change the batteries in your smoke alarm.  There, I may have just saved your life.  Aren’t you glad I’m back?

October 12, 2009

In case you missed them, here were they Mystery Cover Tracks from last week:

Monday:  Kiss covering 2000 Man by the Rolling Stones

Tuesday:  Jackyl covering Live Wire by AC/DC

Wednesday:  Ramones covering Substitute by The Who

Thursday:  David Bowie covering Where Have All the Good Times Gone by the Kinks

Friday:  Megadeth covering Paranoid by Black Sabbath

            I’m off on vacation next week.  I think Jason Lord will be filling in for me, but I’m not positive.  That little detail currently resides in the “Not My freakin’ problem” file.

            We were hoping to get back to Vegas this year, but unfortunately, my girlfriend couldn’t get the time off.  So it looks like I’ll be having a stay-cation instead.  I’ll probably catch up on some shows I Tivo-ed.  Maybe I’ll give the dog a bath and shampoo the carpets, too.  I know it doesn’t sound very exciting, but at least I won’t be working. 

And hopefully, we’ll be able to get back to Vegas in the spring. 

Wish I was there right now.

Correction:  Tony will be sitting in for me next week, and Jason will fill in for him.  Regardless, it's in the "not my frickin' problem" file.